Board: TheTenthMuse
Topic: Double-Dactyls

Topic Editor: Senex Caecilius
Topic Description: This topic is dedicated to the double-dactyl (aka ...

Message: Nice work, Timarete!
Author: the meddlesome - Senex Caecilius, Patron
Date: Sep 7, 1998 09:25

I posted this unsolicited critique of Timarete's first attempt at a double dactyl at her home.  She graciously consented to having me post it in public for pedagogical purposes!  I think she did a great job without any revision.

line 1  This is a nice variation of "higgledy-piggledy", especially the naughty "lickety" bit!

line 2  Monica Lewinsky's name does not scan as I understand its pronunciation.  Perhaps we could get her to change it to []  :)

line 3  This line scans perfectly as a double dactyl.

line 4  This line is supposed to be a choriamb (LONG.short.short.LONG) rather than a double dactyl.  It is easily fixed by changing it to read "clearly did show" or something similar.

line 5  The hexsyllable works well here, but it is usually found in the next line and is easily switched.

line 6  This line does not scan as a double dactyl, but it is easily remedied by adding his middle initial "J." or the diminutive "Bill".

line 7  This line scans perfectly as a double dactyl.

line 8  This line scans correctly for a choriamb, but it is supposed to rhyme with the other choriamb in line 4.  You might get close to a sight rhyme by making line 4 read "clearly has shown."

Here's what minor revision achieves:

First Bar None

Monica LEWinsky
All by her little self
Clearly has shown

William J. Clinton was,
Always polygamous
Leader bar none.

Thanks for being a good sport, Timarete.  I hope you'll give us another gem soon...

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