Message: Nice work, Timarete!
Author: the meddlesome - Senex Caecilius, Patron
Date: Sep 7, 1998 09:25
|I posted this unsolicited critique of Timarete's first attempt at a double dactyl at her home. She graciously consented to having me post it in public for pedagogical purposes! I think she did a great job without any revision.
line 1 This is a nice variation of "higgledy-piggledy", especially the naughty "lickety" bit!
line 2 Monica Lewinsky's name does not scan as I understand its pronunciation. Perhaps we could get her to change it to [MON.i.ca LEW.in.sky] :)
line 3 This line scans perfectly as a double dactyl.
line 4 This line is supposed to be a choriamb (LONG.short.short.LONG) rather than a double dactyl. It is easily fixed by changing it to read "clearly did show" or something similar.
line 5 The hexsyllable works well here, but it is usually found in the next line and is easily switched.
line 6 This line does not scan as a double dactyl, but it is easily remedied by adding his middle initial "J." or the diminutive "Bill".
line 7 This line scans perfectly as a double dactyl.
line 8 This line scans correctly for a choriamb, but it is supposed to rhyme with the other choriamb in line 4. You might get close to a sight rhyme by making line 4 read "clearly has shown."
Here's what minor revision achieves:
First Bar None
All by her little self
Clearly has shown
William J. Clinton was,
Leader bar none.
Thanks for being a good sport, Timarete. I hope you'll give us another gem soon...